I’m not a psychologist but I’ve recently realized that there are three classifications of men that all seem to be pretty negative. There are many characteristics of these three types of men that overlap making it hard to determine just which guy you’ve encountered.
There is good chance that over the years you have met and possibly been hurt by one of these men. That is not to say that women are naive or gullible, just that we are often manipulated by what these guys project and don’t see the real person underneath until it is too late. Narcissists, hot and cold guys and emotionally unavailable men are ones to avoid unless you are looking for future heartbreak. Learn to recognize the signs and walk away from men like this before you get sucked into the madness.
I have some friends who have recently encountered men that fall into these categories and without naming names I’m going to share their stories and experiences with you over the next few posts so that you will have a better understanding of some of the types of men you may want to avoid.
The first friend met her guy through an online dating site. They talked and seemed to have a lot in common so they met for lunch. Everything was great and she really liked him. Suddenly he seemed to vanish. He didn’t return her calls or answer her texts. She pretty much let him go because she assumed he wasn’t interested. (What any smart woman would do- never chase a man that doesn’t want to be caught.)
Then out of the blue a few months later he began texting her again. He flirted, he was friendly and there was no real explanation of why he had gone AWOL other than he had some things to deal with personally. So, she gave him another chance, everyone has baggage and things to deal with before they are ready to begin a serious relationship. They took things slow, not introducing each other to their children or even jumping into bed for several months. It is now 2 years into a relationship that has been a series of push and pull, hot and cold periods that have kept her in turmoil.
They make plans and he bails out nearly every time. He has missed her kids’ birthday parties, family events and holidays, even her birthday and Valentine’s Day have been victims of his wishy-washy attitude. He always comes up with some excuse that she buys, but to outsiders it appears that he has no intention of publicly committing to a relationship with her. She’s more than a booty-call but not quite an out in the open relationship. She defends this saying that he does call her his girlfriend to other people and that people know about her even if she hasn’t met them.
When he’s feeling trapped or pinned down on any certain point he turns things around making her seem clingy and needy or demanding. In fact she wants nothing more than a real relationship with someone who doesn’t freeze up and back away when things get emotional or difficult. He blames most of his issues on his previous wife and is punishing my friend for the things that the ex-wife did. This is not fair to my friend.
Their children have met and she has encountered some of his friends here and there but he has yet to meet any of her family or friends. He keeps her at a distance and whenever he has any stress or feels they are getting too serious he pushes her away.
Now my friend is a patient person and she tries to understand his anxiety problems, his emotional barriers etc. and she attempts to help him work through these things because she thinks the best of him despite what he shows her.
Does this make my friend weak or gullible? Some would say so, others would say that she knows what she wants and is willing to put in the work to make the relationship last in the hopes that one day he will wake up and be a mature and emotionally ready man that she can commit to.
In my opinion this guy is the emotionally unavailable hot and cold man. My personal reaction to the problems she encounters is to dump his ass and find someone better. But my opinion doesn’t matter, she loves him and believes that deep down in his weirdness he loves her too and she just has to break down his walls and help him see how to be in a relationship.
Have you ever dealt with a guy who runs hot and cold? Or one who freaks out at intimacy and emotional connection? Feel free to share your story in the comments.
Read Part 2 here.
More information about hot and cold, emotionally unavailable men:
16 Signs Your Man is Emotionally Unavailable
Ten Signs You Are Attracted to an Emotionally Unavailable Person
Why Men Act Hot and Cold
My name is Suz and I'm just an everyday woman who is trying to figure out when exactly I turned old. I'm not a doctor or an expert- what I am is a woman who wants to know for myself and to share what I learn with other women.
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