I wish I could tell you that the rough days of being a widow disappear over time, but that’s not entirely true. I am coming up to the 6th anniversary of my husband’s death soon and I still have some rough days. You may have those days too for many years to come.
Those days when you just miss him so much, you feel that intense pain all over again start to get farther apart and a little easier to deal with, but they can still sneak up and overwhelm you. In the beginning there is just no way to cope with them and the grief nearly knocks you down. After a while, though, you will have moments of sadness and loneliness, but there are ways to get through them.
Make Plans with a Friend
If you know that certain days are going to be rough to get through, such as birthdays and anniversaries, make plans to spend some time with a good friend. Tell them you just don’t want to be alone. A dear friend will understand and will spend the time with you however you want to. Go out and do something fun, or just spend quiet time with that friend talking and reminiscing.
Make sure that your friends know that you are okay with talking about your deceased spouse or even about how you are feeling. Some friends avoid the subject for fear that they will upset you even more. Start a conversation like, “Remember how he used to…”
Honor His Memory
Do something to honor your loved one’s memory. The day you became a widow is usually a hard one, even years later. I purchased a large fountain and built a memorial garden in my back yard in memory of my husband. I live in Illinois so it must be taken down in the fall and stored.
Every year, when spring comes, I clean up the Memorial garden and set that fountain up, rain or shine, on the anniversary of his death. It somehow makes me feel closer to him and it gives me a purpose instead of sitting and dwelling on my thoughts. I also have an Angel with wind chimes in that garden and I feel somehow at peace when I sit beside it and listen to the chimes twinkle.
It’s Okay to Have These Days
As I said, it’s been nearly 6 years and I still have my rough days. Widowhood is hard and each of us deals with it differently. Friends will accept and understand whatever mood you are in, or however you are feeling. Real friends will cry with you, laugh with you or just be there to sit beside you.
Writing articles like these helps me to cope on some of those rough days. I write more about widowhood and being single after all these years, plus lots of other topics, at Daily Two Cents. Drop by and read whatever interests you and leave a comment. I’d love to hear from you.
My name is Donna and I am just and Everyday Woman trying to figure out this aging thing, I also get to figure out how to do the Widow's Walk through life. I lost my husband to cancer nearly four years ago, after being with him since I was 15-years old. He was always a big fan of my writing ability and I thought, "What better way to honor him, than to keep on writing and maybe be able to help someone else who is going down this same path.