Losing your husband also means losing your best friend, the person you spent the most time with. In the beginning there are plenty of people around, popping in from time to time to check on you. Eventually people get on with their lives and assume you will do the same. How do you “get on” with a life that is now so much different?
If you had been married for a very long time, like I was, you probably don’t really know how to be alone. My days were okay, because I was used to him spending long hours at work. The hardest time of day was that time slot when you are thinking about what to fix for dinner and you realize there is no one to fix dinner for.
If you feel like fixing a full meal and setting the table for dinner, continue doing it. It is a sense of normal that you may need to cling too. The first time my family sat down to a birthday dinner was the hardest. My husband’s empty chair just seemed to scream at everyone. My daughter-in-law quietly got up and got a place setting and glass to fill the empty space at the end of the table where he always sat. It added a sense of normalcy to the table that helped us. There is nothing wrong with doing it, especially if it helps your loneliness.
Evenings by yourself will be the time when you feel the loneliness set in. Those hours between dinner and bedtime seem to stretch on and on. You may even find that you can’t enjoy the same television shows that the two of you used to watch together. Change the channel and find something that you will enjoy. As awful as it sounds, try watching something that perhaps you never watched because your spouse didn’t like it.
The longer you sit around and think about how lonely you are, the lonelier you will get. You may even find yourself sinking into deeper depression and you really want to overcome that feeling. Change your chore list around so that you have something to do in the evenings. Do the laundry, or scrub the floor to keep yourself busy for a short time. The important thing is not to sit and dwell on your loneliness.
Social media sites are great ways to ease the loneliness without actually having to deal with people. If you have never tried facebook, it can be a wonderful way to feel connected to the outside world. There are many groups you can join, and I’ll tell you from personal experience, that the people you meet can quickly become your friend. Besides, it is sometimes easier to type your feelings out to someone across a screen then it is to sit face to face with family or friends.
My facebook friends got me through some really rough evenings and many of them are now true friends, even though we have never met. It is great to know that a friend is just a log in away anytime you need to talk, or can’t sleep. You are welcome to send me a friend request at My Facebook Profile and I will help you overcome the loneliness and spend the evening with you, just like many people did for me.
My name is Donna and I am just and Everyday Woman trying to figure out this aging thing, I also get to figure out how to do the Widow's Walk through life. I lost my husband to cancer nearly four years ago, after being with him since I was 15-years old. He was always a big fan of my writing ability and I thought, "What better way to honor him, than to keep on writing and maybe be able to help someone else who is going down this same path.