Why does that question always seem to be followed by “YET”? Well-meaning family and friends just naturally assume that eventually you will date again. Maybe you will and maybe you won’t, but the question still gets to me, even after four years. What if you just don’t want to? What if you are not ready…YET?
The best thing you can do is tell family and friends how you feel about the subject of dating. If you don’t tell them the question will continue to come up. You may even become annoyed by it and wonder just what they are trying to say. Do they think you need a companion to survive? Are they just curious? Are they hoping to see signs that you are “getting on with life”?
You can get on with life quite nicely as a single person, if that is your choice. If you really are not ready to date or even “meet” a nice gentleman, don’t let yourself be pressured into doing it. Single friends may want to take you out “to find a man.” Simply tell them you are not really looking and are okay just the way you are.
I know some widows who are out there dating and having a good time. I also know some who are content to stay single and enjoy a quiet life. Nobody can, or should, make this decision for you. If you are happy the way you are, then they should be happy for you. You may get, “But aren’t you lonely?” or even “You are too young to be alone.” Worse yet the, “I know just the person you need to meet!”
Who says you need to meet anyone, if you are happy the way you are? You do! When (or if) you are ever ready to think about a companion, you will know. You may even think about it from time to time and not be brave enough to follow through. The truth is you may even feel guilty about dating another man even though you shouldn’t. It is just really hard to realize that you are a single woman now and that dating is okay.
Widows tend to still feel married even after many years. It’s not like we went through a divorce or a bad break up and might have been glad to be rid of our spouse. Actually it is not just widows who are choosing to live a single life these days. I happen to know divorced people who have decided to be alone and just work on making themselves happy. There is no reason to let anyone question your choice of lifestyle. You need to do whatever makes you happy.
I wrote an article on Yahoo Voices awhile back out of exasperation. It turned out as a humorous piece, yet it hit just how I felt. Take a look, I bet it will at least get a smile out of you and you might even nod your head in agreement. It’s called: Dating? Flirting? How do you do that? Click the link and check it out, then come back here and let me know if you agree.
My name is Donna and I am just and Everyday Woman trying to figure out this aging thing, I also get to figure out how to do the Widow's Walk through life. I lost my husband to cancer nearly four years ago, after being with him since I was 15-years old. He was always a big fan of my writing ability and I thought, "What better way to honor him, than to keep on writing and maybe be able to help someone else who is going down this same path.